A Day Away

A Day Away, Jaco Beach, Costa Rica

Maya Angelou wrote that we all need A Day Away, especially women, since we so often put others' needs before our own.  The Jewish tradition celebrates shabbis, one day of the week that is a temple in time, a time when everything outside is let go and your attention is brought to the center of your life, or the holy "f" trinity - family, friends and FOOD! :)   From sunset Friday to sunset Saturday, you focus your attention away from outside distractions and celebrate a family dinner, say prayers, sing songs, and give thanks to God.   Orthodox Jews take the rules of shabbis very strictly and won't cook, turn on lights or drive on this day, truly following the "no labor" laws.

Most of us don't have the need or determination to take it as old school as the Orthodox, but there's something about this day away that is a great idea for everyone, no matter what belief or religious affiliation.  But, for some reason, most of us have a hard time with this, even though it is a commandment in the biblical tradition.  We are "too busy" and have too many committments.  We have to work on Sundays, keep engagements, catch up with things that we didn't have time to during the week, etc.

Several years ago, during graduate school, I decided to make Saturdays my "free day."  For this one day, from morning until night, I turned off the phone, put away my school books and work responsibilities and didn't check my email at all.  I did things I wanted to do, like yoga, going out to eat, taking a hike or walk, watching a good movie, etc. Basically, I allowed myself to get "out of my head" and into the world, which is an easy thing to forget about when you're in grad school.  I've kept this tradition for the most part ever since.

Each weekend, I try to allow at least a few hours of "alone" time, either on a Saturday or Sunday, in which I do a longer session of yoga (45 minutes to an hour) than I usually have time for during the week.  I put on some chill music, like Stan Getz or Stacey Kent, read a magazine or book, watch a great film that only I have been wanting to see, take a nap, etc.  I don't answer the phone (and put it on mute).  I don't check facebook or email.  I don't grade or do schoolwork, though several years later, I still fight the guilt not to "get a head start" on things for the week or "catch up" on things.   Instead, I tell myself, "those things will get done during the work week.  Right now is quiet time."   An entire day is ideal.  But even if it's only for a couple of hours, take this day away.

Let go of the guilt.  Because the fact is, without some alone time, some quiet time to ourselves each week to recharge our batteries, we will end up overworked, stressed out and resentful, and not giving 100% of what we could if we were rested and recharged.  Think of it as quality vs quantity.

And just remember, according to biblical tradition, even the divine herself took a day to rest after her busy week!

Here is an excerpt of Maya Angelou's "A Day Away" to meditate on this week.  Picture Maya's beautiful face and deep voice telling you, "Child, take a break already."  How can you say no to Maya? :)

"On the eve of my day of absence, I begin to unwrap the bonds which hold me in harness. I inform housemates, my family and close friends that I will not be reachable for twenty-four hours; then I disengage the telephone. I turn the radio dial to an all-music station, preferably one which plays the soothing golden oldies. I sit for at least an hour in a very hot tub; then I lay out my clothes in preparation for my morning escape, and knowing that nothing will disturb me, I sleep the sleep of the just.

On the morning I wake naturally, for I will have set no clock, nor informed my body timepiece when it should alarm. I dress in comfortable shoes and casual clothes and leave my house going no place. If I am living in a city, I wander streets, window-shop, or gaze at buildings. I enter and leave public parks, libraries, the lobbies of skyscrapers, and movie houses. I stay in no place for very long.

On the getaway day I try for amnesia. I do not want to know my name, where I live, or how many dire responsibilities rest on my shoulders. I detest encountering even the closest friend, for then I am reminded of who I am, and the circumstances of my life, which I want to forget for a while.

Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence.

Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.

Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us. We need hours of aimless wandering or spaces of time sitting on park benches, observing the mysterious world of ants and the canopy of treetops.

If we step away for a time, we are not, as many may think and some will accuse, being irresponsible, but rather we are preparing ourselves to more ably perform our duties and discharge our obligations."

Question for the week:  What is something you do (or not do) during your "day away"?

Stress

This just about sums it up

I get stressed.  I get overwhelmed.  I commit to too many things.  I have a neurotic tendency to not just want, but need to do everything at 150%.   I find myself carrying the weight of others' burdens.  Not because they ask, but because as an emotional inclined person, I find myself affected when loved ones are suffering.

At the same time, I try to be a Yogi every single day.  Even with practicing yoga, I get angry.  I get emotional.  I get aggravated.  And mostly it is due to stress.   How do we manage our stress?  How do we maintain the calmness and tranquility we feel in our practice?  Each day, I try to find anywhere from 20-45 minutes to roll out my mat, breathe, stretch and have a feeling of peace and calmness during my practice.  But, then how do we maintain this and bring it into the world?   How do we remain Stoic ("calm under all circumstances") when life overwhelmes us and gives us a great burden?

This week has got me thinking about this. The past few weeks have been stressful for a number of reasons and this week, serendipitously, I'm teaching about the subjects of Buddhism and Stoicism in different classes, both which advocate a certain amount of detachment to the ebbs and flows of life.

This has always appealed to me - a certain amount of detachment, or the "it won't really matter" philosophy when unpleasant things happen or unexpected stresses come my way.   Yet, as a very emotionally based, intuitive, open, "feel things" kind of person, I find it an interesting balance to achieve.  How do you stay detached and calm without becoming apathetic or numb?  How do you stay connected and empathetic without becoming emotionally spent all the time?

Buddhists say to follow the Eightfold Path.  Yogis say to practice the Eight Limbs.  Christians, Hindus, Muslims all have other advice (which come to think of it, usually involve some number - the 10 commandments, the 5 Pillars, etc.)    This week, I realized that at its most simple foundation, having an authentic connection and conversation with someone is one way to walk this line, a way to reconnect with ourselves in times of stress and feeling like we can't handle any more.    To have an authentic exchange, to share and to have someone say, "I know exactly how you feel" and mean it was enough to let my shoulders down this week.  It was a reminder that I can live through these stresses and burdens, and that I can hopefully learn something and grow through them which will make me a stronger, calmer yogi.

Yoga is not just about stretching, balancing or looking tranquil.  It is about living life, the good and bad, the storms and the calm, encountering the quiet peaceful people and the aggressive hostile ones in our lives, but all the while remaining who we are, remaining authentically grounded.   But we are humans after all, and sometimes it is harder than others.    :)

5 Suggestions for Alleving Stress

1)Make yourself some "me" time.  After you get a certain amount of work and necessary obligations filled, take an hour to spend with yourself, doing what YOU want to do, whether that's taking a bath, watching a film, reading a book, taking a nap or stretching out onto your yoga mat.

2)Get and try to stay organized.  This is preventative medicine and can save a lot of time and hassle in your daily life.  Make lists for things.  Check them off as you do them.  This eliminates anxiety over what needs to be done and if you're forgetting anything and also gives a sense of satisfaction as you check each item off.

3) Turn off your phone for a few hours.  Or at least don't feel like you have to answer every time the phone rings.  You can call them back later.  Do the same with email, facebook, etc.  The world will be okay if you don't check your facebook today.

4)  Learn to say "no."  Say a "healthy no" to committments when you have too much on your plate or need some recharge time.   Let go of the guilt.  The world will be okay if you take a break.

5)  Get frisky with your partner.  Aside from feeling fantastic and being a great way to connect with your other half, it's a stress reliever.  I'm just sayin...

Question:  What is one thing that helps you relieve stress in your life?  What is something that you can suggest to help others who easily get overwhelmed?

Take a breather and lay down in the sun for a few..



Stillness

The ice storm has forced us to be quiet and still.

I am grateful for the solitude.