Shiva Rea's Yoga Trance Dance - Part Four (Air)

"Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free." - Rumi (Sufi Poet)

Shiva had asked when we had lost our dance in our lives.  There have been plenty of times I've lost my dance or at least, forgot about it for a little while.  But, it has always come back, always pulsating back into my life.  Like yoga, it doesn't hold grudges when you've ignored or abandoned it.  It welcomes you back with open, vibrating, energetic arms.

Shiva asked who came for their "own joy" and who came to get teacher training.  Initially, I came purely just to experience trance dance in person.  However, once here, in this experience, it was all I could think about - teaching this kind of yoga.   This was the kind of yoga I wanted to teach. A fluid, flowing, dynamic yoga that calls women to let go, be at home in their bodies, connect with all of who they are, good and bad, pulsating and underlying - this is a powerful yoga indeed.  It just felt so natural, like it was coming into my life at the perfect time.

One of the complaints I've heard about Shiva's training is that you leave not really knowing what to teach because there's not a lot of structure.  The academic in me, who wants notes and detailed instructions understands this feeling, but I really believe Shiva does so much more for us as a teacher by giving us the experience of yoga.  She often says she doesn't "do" yoga, but "is" yoga.  It isn't something you do, it's something you are.  This weekend, by putting away the notebooks and workbooks and just dancing, just feeling, just moving, it connected me to so much about myself I had forgotten.  It connected me to emotions I had been pushing down deep inside (and boy, they erupted like a lovely, angry volcano).  More than anything, it connected me to a strength and empowerment I knew was underlying it all.

Trance Dance, as funny as it sounds, is more than meets the eye.  It's more than just yoga.  It's more than just dance.  It's energy work.  It's a mindset.  It's our daily groove.  It's a lifestyle.  It's our sadhana - our spiritual practice.

After our last morning's prana practice - a challenging, yet healing asana section in Shiva's distinctive vinyasa/prana style, I was absolutely exhausted.  I felt like a rag that had been rung out completely.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, I was just spent.  But, spiritually, I felt more energized and alive than I had ever felt.  I could barely put words together, I was so high on the way this weekend had transformed me.  Moreover, I was feeling more positive than ever about situations in my life that I had no control over, situations that had haunted me for a long time.  I had spent so much time feeling helpless, but now I was seeing it differently.

Hindus believe that chaos only exists in your perception of it, that everything is actually exactly as it's supposed to be, in order, in our divine world.  Everything else is just maya (illusion).  I can't control things in my life, others in my life, or their actions.  But, I can work each day to be the best person I can be and love unconditionally.  I can be mindful every single day to live my sadhana, to put out compassion, good works and love.  I'm not perfect and sometimes I may not be as good at this as others, but I will keep attempting it every single day.

Serendipitously, in reading some of Swami Kripalu's satsangs (talks), I came across the following gems:

"To love is to suffer.  One who cannot tolerate pain cannot travel the path of true love.  Love's practice is anything but sentimental."

"The first place to have compassion is not (on your yoga mat), but is with your family and loved ones."

"To remain open in love in difficult times is an experiment in love in and of itself."

"Spirituality is not merely within books or temples or churches, but is within our own homes."

"Those who want to plant the seed of love in their heart will have to nourish it with the water of patience.  Impatience can be the cause of the destruction of love.  If we are not patient with our loved ones, then how can they be patient with us?"

Thanks, yo. I am picking up what you're laying down, Swami Kripalu. You are one jive turkey. 

Shiva told us, "Don't ever lose your dance."  After this weekend, now, that it's a part of me again, I'm going to be mindful to keep dancing in all meanings of the word.  Every single day.

Question:  What does dance mean to you in your life?  What makes you dance?

Shiva Rea's Yoga Trance Dance - Part Three (Fire)

Kripalu Chapel

"Consider a day without dance as a day that has not been fully lived." - Nietzsche

Kripalu is a strange and interesting place.  I love the cloistered spiritual schedule, filled with classes, meditations and workshops throughout the day and being able to retreat to my tiny monk's quarters at night.  Though the downside of Kripalu is well...frankly, the attendees.  The average age here looks to be about early to mid 20s and the traditional "code of silence" that used to be in place during the early Ashram days at mealtimes and in between classes has obviously been lifted.  Trendy twenty somethings gab loudly on their cell phones, chat about their yoga gear and NY in the hallways, squealing and screaming upon greeting each other. On the outdoor patio, with a breathtaking view of the mountains and lake, I actually ended up moving my seat after 15 minutes straight of exclusive gossip from the girl next to me on her boyfriend's sex habits and pot growing "business" that he runs in his basement.    Yes, it is very different here than at the Integral Ashram.   But, I try not to let myself feel so ancient next to the younger generation in their fashionably expensive yoga clothes and shake off any annoyance to focus on what I'm here for.

One of the aspects I love about Kripalu is that its hallways are filled with decorative, giant plaques with inspirational sayings.  Several, as expected, are from the Yoga Sutras, "Yoga is seeing reality as it truly is" and the Bhagavad Gita, "Better to live your own dharma (path) imperfectly than live someone else's life perfectly" (one of my favorites).   But, I was pleased to see other sources of inspiration, including Emerson ("Life is a series of experiments") and one that really got me, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle," from none other than Plato.  So, if nothing else, no matter what you are confronted with inspiration every time you walk up and down the stairs.

When I woke up Saturday morning after the previous night's ecstastic experience, I felt like a truck had ran over me. Nauseus, exhausted, anxious and in an arresting state of melancholy, I forced myself to roll out of bed for the 6:30 a.m. wakeup session, which did turn out to be a lovely awakening of chanting, unjulations, hip openers, fluid movements and cleansings - a lot of prana style yoga.   After breakfast, Shiva gave a power point presentation, which seemed strangely out of place with the body flow of our workshop, but the academic in me was grateful, pulling up a mat, my notebook and glasses, ready to listen intently and take notes like the nerd I was.  She went over a brief synopsis of places in the world where dance is still illegal and how humans have a long ancestral history of dancing (firekeeping, ancient Greece, tribal traditions, etc.)  She spoke of the subjects I talk about in my 135 course, about all the bannings during the middle Ages, and how dance was even punishable by death.  Something I hadn't known, but wasn't surprised by was that Constantine himself banned dance as "the devil's work."  For the most part, dance was either banned altogether or only allowed during religious holidays (or one very interesting fact, that after the black plague, the dance macabre became acceptable only because it was seen as a way to exorcise the devil).  She spoke of the oppression of slave dance because of fear of uprising and how Indian devadasi temple dance was banned by the British.  The results of all this oppression was, according to Shiva, a "physical, spiritual, emotional constipation."

She also mentioned the interesting fact that the saying, "Let your hair down" comes from dance.  Because traditionally dancers always had long, loose hair during tribal dance. The tied back, prim buns were actually partially to prevent any spontaneous and uncontrollable dance moves from bursting out of the corsetted seams (because you wouldn't dance with your hair bunched up).  I actually really enjoyed this academic part of our workshop as it grounded what we were doing even more.  We weren't just jumping and leaping around a room like crazy people (were we?).  No...we were reigniting lost art, lost voices, dancing for all those that couldn't, can't or won't in the history of humanity.  We were tapping into the Rasa (juice of life) and connecting with that underlying pulse of life we call divine energy.  This kind of free form dance is called Sahaja, closely related, our sadhana or spiritual practice.

In the afternoon, Shiva took us up a short walking path to the woods.  She had us pick a spot to meditate on the woods themselves, the way the trees swayed, the natural movement in nature.  She seemed utterly delighted by this exercise and said, "We don't have this in Malibu."  She told us to write in our journals, to think about times in our life when we have "lost our dance."  She said were were there on the holiday, Guru Purnima (celebration of our teachers) and so, she said we could also write about our teachers.  At any other time, this would have been the absolute perfect combination for me (being out in the woods and writing - I mean, it's as if this was custom made just for me!). But, I didn't want to write or be out in the woods at all.  I didn't want to do anything. I felt irritated, angry and frustrated.  All morning, I had felt sick to my stomach, really sad and melancholy, just "off."  Now, this was transforming into a fiery ball of irritation, so tangible and much like a really intensified version of PMS, but on a more acute level.  I didn't understand.  Why was I feeling so much irritation right now?  I kept telling myself, "You're in a place of spiritual power.  You're doing a training on spiritual empowerment and healing.  You're with Shiva Rea!  Knock it off.  Stop being so angry."  But, nothing worked. The anger kept rolling over in me like a red, hot rotisserie and with each turn, grew more and more uncontrollable. 

Looking around at all the serene faces in my group sitting happily and blissfully in lotus under the swaying trees made me burn even more with irrational anger.  The searing frustration grew stronger and stronger and soon, I was so angry tears welled up in my eyes.  Here we go again, I thought.  Why was I crying so damn much here?  Soon, the anger came into focus and I felt an overwhelming flood of emotions towards a certain situation in my life that had been dominating my soul for months, feelings of absolute helplessness, betrayal, loss of trust, mental and emotional exhaustion, worry, anxiety, resentment, heaviness, depression, sadness...just overwhelming SAD-NESS, then numbness, and then searing fury as an inside voice screaming, "Why?  Why does it have to be like this?" Why did I feel as if I was constantly fighting for a cause but it never seemed to be enough?  Why did it feel like I was always fighting for a happiness and love that was just out of my reach, just within my fingertips, but never quite close enough?

This fiery funk lasted throughout the afternoon, through another "shaker" session where I'm sure I shook my eggs with the frowny look of a gradeschooler forced to sit in the corner.  I hated everyone and everything.  I felt powerless.  

After dinner (I had to admit, it was hard to stay angry with food this good), I felt a little better, a little more myself.  We met the musicians who would be performing that evening.  We listened to each demonstrate their beautiful instrument and it was an honor to have that experience in an intimate setting, before the doors opened to the entire Kripalu population.  Tonight, Shiva was hosting a Trance Dance open to all.  As crowds and crowds of people (I think the entire population of Kripalu) poured through the "OM" doors, the once quiet chapel took on the ambiance of a New York hot spot.  With no room for floor work, Shiva had the entire crowd stand together close, with palms of our hands on the person in front of us and chant "OM" for about ten minutes.  It was surprisingly moving.  So many people, literally hundreds, all connected, all chanting the same OM.  It was the largest collective OM I had ever participated in and felt my resistance and irritation give and melt away a bit.

After an interesting performance of tattooed men with staffs (a very ritualized, very phallic, very tribal dance), the lights turned low and the live music heated up as Shiva stirred us into the "fire" aspect of the dance pretty quickly.  Soon, we were jumping and dancing around like mad people (or Saturday regulars at a local trance club).  I moved to the rhythms and next to me, a small gay fellow covered in glitter danced like he was at Queer as Folks' Babylon - I had to love it.  It was definitely a different energy with so many people here tonight than it had been the night before, but I still let myself go, let my body move in every inch.  The live Indian music really had an affect and at one point in the night, even the musicians took turns jumping out and trance dancing it out.  

Then, when the musicians were really hitting it hard and everything was at a peak intensity, Shiva hopped up on the stage right in front of me, literally a few inches from me and in the "blue flame" of the fire, as she describes it, we danced and moved and grooved and I couldn't take my eyes off her, she was so shamanic and fluid and just...happy.  In the moment. I closed my eyes and smiled.  I couldn't stop smiling.  Then, I couldn't believe it, I opened my eyes and Shiva was looking right at me as she shot me the most serene, beatific smile I have ever seen on a human face.   Yeah, I thought.  There it is. Any anger or frustation seemed planets away now, as a I danced it out and let it all melt away through my fingertips, through the ends of my crazy, flying hair (not pulled back in a bun!), and through the soles of my feet.  There was nothing left but to smile.

Shiva soon wound us down (I was impressed with how she handled such a huge crowd.  It would have been easy for it to get out of hand, wild with spontaneity, but she always kept the flow structured and stayed in control) and seamlessly we were led into a traditional Kirtan (devotional singing) one of my favorite aspects of Indian spirituality.  As hundreds of people crowded around this chapel to chant Hare Krishna, Hare Rama and Om Namah Shivaya, my eyes fixated once again on the Shiva Nataraj statute, lit up with disco lights, his leg kicking up as he dances on the demons of ignorance, greed and ego, as he brings both destruction and creation.  This chapel had once housed devout, quiet, solemn Jesuits as they prayed towards the crucifix that once stood here.  I thought, Hinduism in America.  What a blessing.  What a clever absurdity.  What a riot.  God definitely has a sense of humor.

To be continued...

Shiva Rea's Yoga Trance Dance - Part Two (Water)

"The energy that holds up the mountains is the energy I bow down to." - Sufi Master

As we walked in the same chapel I had taken the gentle yoga class in earlier, the atmosphere was completely transformed.  Dimly lit with flickering candles, a small altar cloth with a black, four headed Shiva Lingam (that looked identical to the ones I had seen in temples in Rishikesh) had been placed in the center of the room.  She was already sitting in front of it and as we gathered around her in a circle, I was thrilled to end up sitting just a couple of feet from her.  She passed around shaker eggs and had us sway our bodies as we got into a rhythm with the eggs.  The sounds of the "sshh...ssshhh...ssshhh" motion, the tribal music playing and her soothing voice filled the room with an intoxicating combination.  Soon, eyes were closed, bodies were swaying and everything just kind of melted away. 

Shiva spoke of being an infant, how as a child we are born to dance, born to move, born to tap into this primordial creative energy (Shakti).  Then she had us put our shakers up to our ears, they sounded crisp and loud that closely. Then she instructed us to change rhythms with the eggs, but even as we did, she noted that we were still all in sync, the chaos was still order.  This is a principle of Hindu philosophy that I have been teaching for over a decade in my Eastern class, but I loved this tangible way of explanation and noted to start utilizing this way of showing it in my classes.

Soon we were up off the floor, but still moving slowly, with the heavy, intense tribal drumming seeming louder and louder.  She instructed us to begin moving around the space, around each other, focusing just on our arms, our hips, our legs, letting different body parts emphasize the rhythm and movement.  Then, she had us do this interesting "bow and arrow" type movement that reminded me of the infamous Hulk Hogan pose in the 80s where he'd stretch one arm out and bend the other elbow to bring his hand to his ear.  This memory, of course, made me love this particular movement. Like most Trance Dance or Kundalini moves, she instructed to bring our arms back and out quickly, with more vigor.  Then, we did the pulled the energy out and down, quickly with a series of syncronized arm pulls...hard to describe, but extremely invigorating and exhilerating. The music got more intense and everyone just sort of let go.

From here on, everything got a bit blurry in structure.  The academic in me was forced to take a back seat to the experience at hand and I happily pushed my note taking self aside to make room on the dance floor.   After minutes, seconds, hours...I don't know if anyone was quite sure, we experienced the "collective flow" advertised with the Trance Dance experience. I don't know what any one else felt, but I couldn't believe what I was feeling.  The combined travel exhaustion, exhileration of being here and my pure, passionate love of movement and yoga had united to produce a quite altered mindstate.  I started feeling a tingling sensation throughout my extended arms, my leaping legs, my swaying hips...a natural energy high fueled by every one else's movements in that space, the tribal drums, the rhythmic Indian citar and all the energy work we had done to lead up to this.   Pretty soon we were all leaping around and lost in our own body/mind worlds.  Moving as a part of each other's space, but at the same time, in our own experience while Shiva uttered gems like, "Think of your ancestors moving across continents, dancing in the night." 

Then, completely unexpectedly, I was filled with this shudder.  Now, I have had plenty of great times dancing, feelings of release and ecstastic flow, whether it was in my living room, at clubs or at wedding receptions, I have felt that rush of dancing to amazing rhythms all night.  But, this rush was different.  Stronger.  My eyes didn't just fill with tears, but instantly started overflowing with them and I involuntarily started bawling like a little kid.  Like a dam breaking, something in me just lost it and I was overcome with intense emotion.  I tried to refocus, but no matter what, I couldn't stop crying.  Then, I was hit with another strong sensation of complete release, a feeling not unlike what I experienced when skydiving a few years ago.  Total spiritual surrender.  A feeling of "everything is going to be alright" came over me in a strong crashing ocean wave.

I kept dancing. I kept moving no matter what.  Moved through the waves, through the floodgates, through the surrender.  And then I opened my eyes and saw Shiva's slender, white clad figure moving in this almost Shamanic way right next to me (I know this sounds hippy dippy, but I don't know how else to describe it - her bending, forming, tribal curving, concocting, conjuring series of interwoven movements blended with the tribal drums). We danced in the same space and I had one of those moments you have in life, that moment of simple bliss of knowing you are exactly where you are supposed to be in that moment and then she smiled at me and I smiled back. 

The tears still wouldn't stop.  Even when Shiva instructed us to do the Tandava (cross over Nataraj kick) and even when everyone got in a big circle and pulled all the energy back down.  The tears just kept rolling.  She brought us down to the floor in Savasana and in 18 years of doing yoga, never has this pose felt more needed, appropriate or sacred to me than in that experience, in that moment right then.  I sprawled onto the floor in a heap the way my dog often just flops her body down in a pile in the sun as if her legs and arms gave out from under her suddenly. I lay there as the music continued, and couldn't take my eyes off the Nataraj (dancing Shiva) statue on the altar at the front of the chapel.  I had seen it all day, but now it caused a completely different feeling in me.  I was overwhelmed with feelings of empowerment, release, clarity, and ineffable spiritual connection with something pulsing beneath the surface of it all.

It was hard to come back to the surface itself, but slowly, Shiva's voice called us back.  And then she began quietly talking about yogic/dance principles and preparing us for the next day.  I was sort of half paying attention, my mind still sloshy from the ecstatic energy and my eyes still all full of tears, when I heard her say, just like any other word and not in any particularly defining way, "Fuck."  I perked up, then she added in her soft, velvety voice, "you know, sometimes you need to balance out your purity. I have Irish ancestors.  It's okay."  Smiling, this of course, made me love her even more.  A spiritual guru who says Fuck and credits the ancestors?  Couldn't love it more if I tried.   Then she told us to not eat too much so we don't "have a Kripalu fart baby."  Is it weird that even saying this, she still sounded like a wise spiritual sage?  It's true.  She totally did.  I can only dream of saying things like "fuck" and "fart" and still sounding wise and beatific - it's a new goal for me for sure, especially in my profession.

I went to bed ecstatic and unable to fall asleep because of how buzzed up and mojofied I was.  I figured the whole weekend would be full of this feeling of having my finger on the pulse of God and I couldn't wait to ride the wave.  But, of course, I would be naive to think that kind of experience would be so easy to hold on to.  Ecstasy doesn't ride alone.  Too many other emotions get brought up in that spiritual scoop.

To be continued...

Shiva Rea's Yoga Trance Dance - Part One (Earth)

"All the world's problems can be solved by dance." - James Brown

Talk about a transformative experience!  I've been doing Shiva Rea's DVDs for a couple of years now, first with her Shakti one, then Radiant Heart, then Flow, then Lunar, then Daily Energy, and then...well, a bunch more.  I came across a title, "Yoga Trance Dance."  Now this sounds interesting, I thought.  I ordered it, at first feeling a little silly dancing across my living room to a DVD of a group of dancing SoCal free spirits, but soon, the music and dance and Shiva herself just get you and you don't give a shit.  Like Shiva says in the video, her head moving with the rhythm and her beatific smile across her face, "Those who dance are seen to be crazy by those who do not hear the drums." 

I knew I had to experience this mixture of yoga and dance movement first hand and luckily, Shiva Rea offers a teacher training in this very style.  So, last weekend, I drove the 15 hours through traffic, construction and rainstorms to Kripalu, near Lenox, Massachusettes.  I arrived weary and exhausted in the middle of a downpour not unlike the first monsoon ten years ago when I arrived to the Integral Yoga Ashram in Virginia for my teacher training.  This time, luckily, I did not have to put up a tent in the rain, but I did have to traverse uphill winding mountain roads that were gushing with flood waters.  About 20 anxiety ridden minutes later and several turn arounds, I finally found Kripalu (my one suggestion to them - a bigger sign!).

I had expected Kripalu to be somewhat like the Ashram in Virginia, but upon walking in, I realized quickly this was a much larger operation.  Greeters, secretaries and yogis running about, pamphlets, sign ins, and  SO many people.  Crowds and crowds of people, many more than I expected.  I signed in, unpacked my car and settled into my tiny little room that reminded me of a monk's quarters (fitting since I found out later that Kripalu used to be a Jesuit monastary).

There was just enough time to attend one of Kripalu's many daily yoga classes before dinner.  I slipped into the Gentle Yoga class, feeling too exhausted after the travel for anything more demanding.  It was a great choice, housed in an enormous room with tall cathedral ceilings.  In fact, this used to be the Jesuit chapel.  Now it had stained glass "OM's" on the doors and the dancing Nataraj Shiva at the altar where Christ used to be, which as a Religion teacher, made me smile a bit.  There must have been over fifty people in this class and I barely had enough room to roll my mat out at the back.  Aside from Bikram yoga, it was the largest class I had ever attended.  Soon, my body released into the restorative poses and I noted the loose movement and instructional emphasis Kripalu classes had.  After many slow leg stretches, side stretches and child's poses, we ended with a surprisingly nice movement of planting our feet and hopping up and down as a cleansing.  I could feel all the stress, anxiety and exhaustion from travel just melting away through my feet and was so thankful that I arrived early enough for this transition to the weekend training. 

Expecting the usual Ashram vegetarian fare of tofu and rice, I was blown away by Kripalu's food offerings.  I walked in to a huge hall that had two buffets spread out.  Everything is grown organically and locally and so I piled my plate with salads, tomatoes, curry drizzled salmon, fruits and drank this organic, hormone free milk from Jersey that was indeed the best milk I have ever tasted in my life.  So good, I wanted to give a little Jersey fist pump right there for its splendid existence.

And now, transitioned and fed, it was time to do what we came here for.  Around 7:30, those of us in the training program gathered around the "OM" doors to wait for our first session.  The excitement and buzz was tangible. Several girls were covering themselves in glitter.  Oh boy...I wondered how many were going to be ga ga for Shiva Rea (she has quite the fan base and some fans are fantatic for her in a Guru/Grateful Dead sort of way).  I tried to stay detached and calm, but I had to admit after using her DVDs for so long, I was a little giddy to meet her too.  However, after my Rodney Yee experience, I tried not to get my expectations up too high.  It's far too easy for your idols to fall.

Then, I felt this pull to my left.  My eyes looked in that direction and coming towards me was a tall woman dressed in all white with a white, embroidered sash around her waist.  Her blonde, platinum hair was cut in bangs - very surfer girl - and she was pointing and talking with one of her assistants.  She turned and looked right into my eyes and I think she must have seen my bag (a local artist's creation - "Om land Security") because she looked down, then looked back at me and smiled, patting her heart with her left hand.  I wasn't sure what that meant or if it was even me she was looking at for sure, but damned if my neutrality went right out the window.  In that one moment, I immediately felt myself beam and become all googly eyed.  I was "Shiva-fied."  I immediately realized she was someone whose simple presence in a room makes heads turn and I couldn't wait to see what she had in store for us tonight. I had a feeling it would be intense, whatever it was and I was right.

To be continued...