This Mother's Day feels really special to me. I'm at 30 weeks now and she's been doing the Olympics inside my uterus. Nothing is more fascinating to me now than laying down and watching my stomach flip and turn and pulse, just witnessing her communication and dance.
Everything feels different now, even the smallest things take the greatest effort - gardening, doing the dishes, taking a walk, teaching class, getting groceries...everything is done with significant breathing and a constant exhaustion. Yoga has definitely evolved into something different and new. Hell, being able to shave my legs properly has become a form of yoga for me!
As the weeks have progressed into my third trimester, only Gurmukh's Kundalini yoga has survived as part of my practice, along with a little restorative here and there. I take a lot of walks, swim and do water zumba and then practice the Kundalini Prenatal as much as I can. It calms, restores and centers me and makes me feel so connected to my body and my baby.
She always gets quiet when I do my practice, getting swished and rocked in that little hammock as I do cat/cow pose, squats, standing hip openers and chanting Sat Ta Na Ma. This kind of yoga is really an extraordinary experience, one I am thankful to be able to experience all during pregnancy.
I hope I can someday take a retreat or do a training with Gurmukh. As fascinated I am with both Kundalini Yoga and Sikhism, I'm sure I would gain so much from it and her teachings. Her book, Beautiful, Bountiful, Blissful has been really helpful too. She aims to empower you to look at birth as a natural process, one your body knows in its cells how to handle, and most of all, as a spiritual experience, one that connects you with God.
I've been thinking a lot about the labor and delivery, visualizing how I'd like for it to go. Of course, I know letting go of control or my "ideal" plan is necessary and that as soon as you make hard and fast plans, God likes to laugh. But I also think intention, preparation and energy go a long way. I just keep coming back to Buddhism and the principle of surrender. I keep coming across the idea of letting your "self" just fall away and forget about you feeling the pain, but blend in with all the sensations. Instead of numbing or distracting myself from the pain, I aim to surrender into the middle of the sensations and let myself go as completely as I possibly can. I'm sure it's easier said than done, but I really want to try as much as I can.
Something I love that Gurmukh says is, "The best book you can read about labor is written inside of you. The more you read it, the more you will move powerfully into birth." Since I've read about a gazillion books and still feel pretty terrified and unsure if I can handle it all, this notion really puts my mind at ease.
She also says the third eye center is where to focus because of the pituitary gland being connected to the production of oxytocin, which opens the uterus. So, I may just have to wear a bindhi to remind myself of this. Oh yes, I will be the crazy hippie in her bindi giving birth naturally. And I'm perfectly okay with that.
It's getting so close. Only 10 more weeks or so. I hope this baby bakes as long as she can and then comes when she's ready to come. I pray all goes well and naturally and without any obstacles. I should definitely pack my Ganesh in my overnight bag!
"When you see God in all, then you're not afraid of anything. This is true yoga, dwelling in infinity." - Gurmukh
