This was my
first Yama to take on for my 10 month journey. Nonviolence can take on many forms, but includes minimal (or ideally
no) violent actions, words, or even thoughts. There is a
spectrum to this practice, but ultimately it is about awareness of our
actions and taking responsibility for how we affect those around us and
our footprint in this world.
Feb 2nd – It’s amazing how quickly you become aware of
every little thing, every word, every action, every thought. Today in a long line, I practiced patience and
“nonviolent” thoughts towards the cashier who was ignoring me and my armful of
stuff while she blabbed away to another cashier about her mother. I breathed and thought, This is an opportunity
to practice. I told myself, You have all the
time in the world. Even though I didn’t
and was running late, it still actually helped a lot. I
felt lighter, better, unburdened.
Today, the great actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman died. Overdosed on heroin, syringe still in his
arm. He was without a doubt one of my
favorite actors, ever since I saw him in Magnolia, Next Stop Wonderland and
even Twister (he was good in everything). I learned he had 3 kids and
a partner of 15 years. Addiction is as
violent as it gets - a violence of self, of soul and of everyone that loves
you. Non-harming towards ourselves is
the core. His death really saddens me.
Feb 10th – Nonviolence to self. This seems to be the continuing discipline
for me. Today I practiced my harmonium
after an invigorating asana session. But
I felt discouraged at my voice. I don’t and
never have had a strong singing voice.
Even so, I love to sing ANYWAY and have tried to embrace my passion over
quality and natural ability. But over the years, I’ve
had several people in my life, including family members, tell me to lock it up
and be quiet when I’ve started singing. This doesn’t help the cause much. I carry much insecurity, shame and
frustration with my singing/chanting voice.
Today as I chanted, I felt like I sounded horrible. I am missing the point of course. I am supposed to be chanting in devotion of the divine, for the liberation of spirit, not
to “sound good.” It is a classic example
of self-violence, ego and self-judgement.
All the things that get in the way of our liberation. I vow next time to chant loudly, fiercely, focusing my energies on
God instead of my voice.
Feb 15th – “Buddhist practice is based on
nonviolence. You don’t have to struggle
with your breath or body or hate or anger.
Treat your breath tenderly, nonviolently as you would treat a
flower. Then later, you can do this with
your own body, treating it with gentleness and respect, nonviolence and
tenderness. Don’t fight against pain or
anger, embrace them with great tenderness like a little baby. Your anger is yourself and you should not be violent
towards it. Begin with the breath. Let it be what it is. In Buddhist meditation, you do not turn
yourself into a battlefield with good fighting evil. Both sides belong to you. Evil can be transformed into good and vice
versa. ” - Thich Nhat Hanh
Feb 20th - I’m
coincidentally teaching about Gandhi this week in one of my classes. His entire philosophy is based upon ahimsa
and he employed and experimented it with many different ways, including non-cooperative
acts like boycotts, marches, fasting, self-sufficiency, etc. His spinning wheel became symbolic of the
Indians’ complete independence from the British, able to make their own
clothing, march to the sea to gather their own salt, etc.
Perhaps in dealing with those that infuriate you and awaken such
feelings of anger and frustration, the best move is to become as independent of
them as possible. Do not depend on them
for anything. In my case, it’s the emotional factor. Don’t look to them for validation, for
emotional expression, for nurturing, for anything really. As one student once said, “You don’t go to a
hardware store to buy a loaf of bread.” Genius.
Perhaps when something doesn’t go how I’d hoped, I didn’t
accomplish all I’d wanted to, or someone doesn't react the way I'd wanted them to, instead of mentally “beating myself up” I need to
find a way to practice ahimsa towards myself. I am finding the biggest result of my ahimsa experience is
awareness. I read and teach about ahimsa
all the time, but to attempt to live it, I feel like I’m starting to understand
it like a familiar family member (one that doesn’t make me angry).
It still doesn’t mean I’m doing it perfectly
or am nonviolent in my thoughts and words all the time, but I’m doing better. I'm giving myself permission to be nonviolent
towards myself. I want to treat myself like I treat Bodhi, with unconditional love,
infinite compassion and complete tenderness. Why is it so hard to turn this on ourselves?
I'd love to hear your comments on your own experiences with ahimsa. How hard is it for you to practice? What are ways you've found to make it more effective?
The quest goes on…Next month is Satya, which is truthfulness. Oh boy.
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