Satya is the second Yama in the Yoga Sutras. It translates as "Truth" or "Truth telling." I found that this one wasn't so hard. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and I do not have a poker face. I tell the truth, I voice my emotions, my opinions, often to a fault. But of course, it's not that simple. Satya is not just spewing out whatever you think, because that could cause harm. It is treating truth as a powerful tool that must be wielded with responsibility, with mindfulness. Ah. So, that's the catch!
It is also beyond words, but the action behind these words. Your truth in your walk. You must demonstrate your truth. So, how did this go? It started off with a bang.
March 1st - After a crazy, workaholic week (and a wicked case of PMS), I had a sort of breakdown and had it on my spouse. "I need time to MYSELF" I cried and demanded. I hadn't had a moment of silence for what felt like two weeks. As usual when this happens every few months, he listens with big eyes, nods his head knowingly, "So, take it." Which, of course, is infuriating, because he makes it sound so easy.
But I did take it. I took an afternoon and went hiking by myself, did some non-journal writing, which is so rare any more. I took a nap. Unbelievable. At the end of the day, I felt recharged, connected and cleared. I felt like myself again. I told the truth instead of keeping it bottled in. "I need this time." Why are we always so fearful, so guilty to tell this truth? Even though I know I need this time once in awhile like I need sleep or air to breathe, I still feel guilty asking for it. Why is this?
March 6th - I was supposed to meet a friend today for lunch and I've been looking forward to this rare outing for awhile. She is a new friend (how fun is that!) that I instantly connected with (so rare now!) and we've both been excited to get together and have a girls' lunch. Busy schedules have prevented this up until now and here it is! But now, I am not feeling well at all. Usually, I would soldier through and go anyway, afraid to disappoint, afraid to cancel. But my body was telling me that I needed to take this time to rest, not drive an hour for lunch, even if I did really want to see this friend. I felt relief when she understood completely, further validating what a good friend she will be. She's my kind, I thought. It felt good to tell my body's truth and not feel guilty about it.
March 8th - We saw the musical Carrie tonight. Yes, that's correct. It really made me think of high school. Ugh. It's been awhile since I've really thought about those years. It made me think particularly about the day a few weeks after graduation when I sat outside and burned four years of diaries in a barrel. One by one, I tore each page and dropped them into the fire. I burned my "truth," my satya to prove that I was an adult. I thought my high school years were awkward and ugly and so I thought my words about those years were awkward and ugly too. Why do we call it the "ugly truth?" I can't get that image out of my head - of the pages dropping into that burning barrel. How heartbreaking.
March 15th - The Chidananda Retreat! I am so happy to be here! Any time spent with Laurel immediately connects me with my experience of India, of all the teachers and gurus, the lineage and this huge center of my spiritual being. We are learning today about Lilas Folan's guru, Chidananda, who was the "St. Francis" of India. During the first reenactment skit, I hear a voice inside, "You'll go to India again, when you're older, when Bodhi's grown. You'll return, this time to Southern India. It will be much different." I felt this vision so strongly and so powerfully, tears came to my eyes. I never thought I could go back, but maybe I will after all.
After hours of chanting, prayer, meditation, yoga, deep relaxation, I feel like a completely centered and recharged person. Afterwards we eat some home cooked Indian food and I just want to eat and be in silence, absorbing everything that has happened. A sweet and very pretty girl next to me begins talking, asking me questions, where I am from, what do I do, do I have kids, etc. I answer her questions briefly but don't engage her or ask any questions back. I am too zoned out, too inward. She gets the hint and starts a similar conversation with the woman to her left.
I don't want to be rude, she is a very sweet girl and any other time, I would have loved to talk with her, but right now, I just wish I had one of those "In Silence" name tags you can get at Ashrams. In my overly verbal life, a job that is 100% dependent on my verbal expression and a generally verbally chaotic world, I just wanted to shut the f@&k up for once. It felt amazing. That was my Truth.
Next month is Asteya, Nonstealing. Not just about theft of things, but theft of time, energy, emotions, etc. This is about to get real. :)
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