Yamas: Aparigraha

Aparigraha translates as non-grasping or non-hoarding.   It’s also about spreading the love and good fortune.  It’s about not holding on to that which binds you.   On a material level, this was perfect timing as we were in the process of weeding out, organizing and getting rid of stuff for our yard sale. 

I LOVE this process and always have.  There is something so freeing about just getting rid of anything that is cluttering up your living space.  It’s a very Buddhist process, constantly asking yourself, “How attached to this am I?  Do I really need this?”  I applied the one year rule (if you haven’t used it/wore it in a year, get rid of it philosophy) and realized that there were several things that I had already asked myself about years before and kept, so they got the boot.

One thing that was particularly liberating to me was letting go of books I had carried with me for over 20 years.  Books that meant something so big to me at 18, 22, 25, book like Kerouac’s Dharma Bums, some Jim Morrison poetry, etc.  I’ve been carrying them, moving them from apartment to apartment, house to house, for almost two decades, because they had meant SO MUCH to me then.  I looked at them and realized, they had meant so much to me, defined my young, burgeoning identity, made a statement about who I was.   But they’ve given me what they needed and I don’t need to continue carrying them.  Like Buddha’s story of the raft – he says, use the raft - it can help you get across, but once you’re across the river, why are you carrying that raft around on your back? 

Yogis and Buddhist have long said though, it isn’t the stuff, the materialism that is bad or evil.  Not at all.  There’s nothing wrong with stuff, or even having stuff.  It’s our illusions and attachments to this stuff, that somehow these material things will make us happy, fill a void, etc.  When we attach ourselves to so much stuff and our lives and living space becomes cluttered, so will our hearts and minds, according to Feng Shui principles.

Aparigraha also applies to not attaching mentally, not ruminating, as a psychology teacher recently said on a conference.   This is a big practice for me.  There are certain issues and particular people that I ruminate about constantly.  This is holding on, hoarding thoughts, grasping.  And all it does is cause a big ugly knot in my soul and gut.  It was much easier to clean out the garage.   So, this is about cleaning out the garage of your mind and soul, getting the poison out.  This is the most important practice, of course.  But I’m still working on it.  Constantly.

The notion of simplifying has been in the forefront of my mind lately and I am putting it into practice as much as I can.  Less is more.  Simplicity is key.  Aparigraha was the last Yama and now that we’ve practiced the five restraints (or don’ts), now we move on to the Niyamas, the observances (or do’s).

Sauca (purity) is next!

Yamas: Chickens! (Brahmacharya - Moderation)

Brahmacharya is defined usually as celibacy in the four stages tradition, the phase of life a young man (though many now include young women too - hizzah!) goes through to experience a monk-like existence.  While most of our American boys are drinking and having (or trying to have) sex, the ideal Hindu adolescence includes complete devotion to a guru and an immersion into spiritual discovery.   Not that this is always the case, but it truly will make an Indian mama proud if her son does follow this highly venerated route.

But brahmacharya is more than celibacy, it is about moderation.   It is about balance, simplifying and preserving our energy.   Satchidananda describes it best when he says, "Through Brahmacharya, we save our virya, our vital energy." This couldn't speak to me more.  With kids, a mortgage, a full time job and a new homestead (which will come next!), I am all about saving my vital energy.  It's really vital, as it turns out...

According to Satchidananda, this Yama is all about our awareness and practice of giving and receiving in balance, of learning to say "no" when things aren't healthy or productive for us, and saving our "yes" for when it truly increases our chi exchange.  He uses an example of loving our child. "You would not give a child an entire box of candy to show our love, would you? You would give a small piece or two."   I always loved how Satchidananda used practical examples to explain sometimes extremely esoteric concepts.  He was Christ-like in that way.

The Budda, Jesus, Aristotle, Marcus Aurelius - they all spoke volumes about the benefits of moderation, indeed our happiness depends on it, according to most in that list.

So, how did I practice moderation this month?  In a few ways.  For one, I decided to take a digital vacation for almost two weeks to clear my mind and mental space and focus on other things.  No work email, no facebook, nothing.  It was a delicious recharging, one I need to do more often.   But, I'm going to focus on the chickens. The chickens were my moderation teachers!

They arrived at the post office early in the morning and I got the call I had been waiting for at 7 a.m.  At 7:08, Bodhi and I arrived and pulled up to the back porch of the small office (I felt special :D) and the worker handed me a tiny box full of peep peeps and I said, "Is there another box?"  There couldn't possibly be 15 chickens in this tiny shoebox sized package.  "Nope," she said, "that's it!"

Still doubtful, I drove home, excitedly listening to the tiny little peeps coming from this package.   In the garage, I opened up the box and saw a small fur ball in one corner - all of the chicks were huddled together so tightly, they didn't even take up a fourth of the box.  I slowly took out one at a time to put in the brooder under the heat bulb, examining them and counting them and gushing over them (little tiny babies!).  And surprisingly enough, all 15 were there, healthy and alive, thank goodness.

About an hour after getting the chicks settled in, my good friend called me, "So...we have this baby duck that just wandered into our yard and we don't really have anything to keep it alive."  A quick call to Jimmy and 15 minutes later, Caitlin showed up with the tiniest duck I have ever seen.  It was even cuter than the chicks!  Since we had the extra brooder for when the chicks get bigger, I made the duck a temporary home until we could figure out another set up for him.

We already thought it a pretty exciting day, and then later that afternoon a tornado came through the farm field behind our back yard.  Nothing humbles you and makes you put things in perspective more than learning that the 70-year-old farm house a half mile from your own house has been demolished.   Three generations of family had lived there (they were safe in their basement thankfully, dug out by rescuers shortly after the collapse).  Their house was gone, their barns ripped apart, their silos bent in like slinkys.   On days like this, you realize getting upset over a high electricity bill or getting irritated at the slow worker at Subway (both things I was guilty of earlier that day) really shouldn't take any of your energy.

And here's what Brahmacharya comes back to - what you give your vital energy to.  How can I simplify things to still be effective, beneficial, but without sacrificing more energy than I need or want to?  This definitely isn't about multi-tasking which is really pretty counter intuitive to most Buddhist and Yoga philosophies, it's about discernment and prioritizing.  It's about knowing who you are and where you want your exchanges to be.

The chickens doubled in size by day 3, tripled in size by the weekend and I swear, quadrupled in size by the day after that!  The newly hatched fluffs of fur that fit in my palm that first morning were now awkward little pin-feathered birds, looking somewhere between a petite, majestic eagle and gangly junior high kid.  Taking care of them became a ritual, a farming ceremony, one I looked forward to.  Changing their waters (which they mucked up almost immediately afterwards, reminding me of how cats love for you to change the litter so they can promptly take a big, smelly dump in them, as if to say, "Thanks, I was waiting on you to do that."), filling their food containers, adding fresh pine shavings, then of course taking out a few to pet and hold and "bond" with.

The first two weeks, we did this routine twice a day with two brooders, but by week 3, we had to split up the chickens into their two brooders and makeshift  a third duck pad for our tailfeathered friend that Jimmy had now bestowed the name, Little Lord Ticklebottom.   Best...duck...name...ever.

Add to this constantly adjusting the heat lamps that hang over them.  The first week, like a new nervous mother with a newborn, I constantly checked the thermometers in the brooder, adjusting the heat lamp levels and bulb strengths as it got too hot or too cold.  By the third week when the temperatures could be around 10 degrees lower, I felt much more comfortable winging it (heh) and just going by whether they were against the sides of the tub (too hot), huddled together in a fur blanket (too cold) or comfortably hanging out around the space (perfect temperature).

More than anything, the constant regulation of temperature has been a great reminder of moderation, of Aristotle's warning that happiness comes from the perfect golden mean, from neither excess or deficiency.

I have rolled out my Yoga mat exactly twice this month.   Some might say that I did not follow moderation because of this, since I was lacking in my normal "practice."  But having a break from commuting from campus (our "summer" break was during the last couple of weeks) has put me in a different routine. Spending most of my days being with Bodhi, planting and tending our gardens, landscaping, digging and planting trees, mowing, and taking care of the chickens and duck became my Yoga.  It has been a sweet, natural, mindful Yoga that has made me present every single day, has made me connected to my land and my animals.  I have breathed and stretched and focused during all this work in building and starting our little farmstead and in spending so much time with Bodhi.  At the end of each day, I am sore from all the physical labor and tired from being with an almost two-year-old all day, but in a good, happy way, content, peaceful and centered.

The truth is, for last couple of weeks, I haven't felt like I needed my asana practice, like I do so strongly when I have spent a day working in the office, teaching in front of groups of students and commuting.  Even though I truly love my career and teaching, it is a fact that on those days, I can't wait for the evening to roll out my mat and unwind from the day.

But, I'm learning during this headfirst dive into our little farm, that I don't feel a need to unwind after a day spent with my hands in the dirt and chickens in my palms.  I don't need to unroll the mat after the stretching I've done hanging clothes on the clothesline, planting and building the chicken run.  I don't need to do a special seated meditation after spending the mornings and evenings performing the rituals that have become second nature.  They are my meditation right now.  I am certain my separation from my mat is only temporary and that there will soon be days when I go back to work or deal with the insurance company or some other stressful occasion, that I will come back to my mat  with vigor and re-dedication.

But for now, I'm just going to feed the chickens and Mr. L.L. Ticklebottom and watch them grow with Yogic gratitude.

Yamas: Asteya (Nonstealing)

This month was HARD.  Not in practicing asteya, but in the fact that it is the last month of the semester, which always creates chaos, stress, anxiety, imbalance and an overall feeling of things falling through the cracks.  On top of this, many other life factors came into play, making this month a whirlwind.  I did my best.  Or pretty close to it.

April 4th - Asteya is defined as non-stealing.   This is not only a caution against stealing things that aren't yours, but stealing time, energy, trust, etc.  It takes stealing to a whole deeper level.   So far, I haven't had any trouble not stealing people's stuff (not something I was accustomed to doing before), but I have been paying attention of any way I may unknowingly steal people's time or energy.

In doing this, I became VERY aware of how others may try to steal my time and energy (and money).   Long phone calls and wait times to a payment system that made an error on my mortgage payment (so much time (and money!) stolen...)   Acquaintances that tend to take and take and not give in return.   It's a hard balance to give and not be taken advantage of.

April 5th - A tiny three month old kitten came to our doorstep last night.  He is a bag of bones, wheezing like Darth Vader and just all around pathetic.  I instantly fell in love with him.   I'm really hoping we can keep him.  He is so affection and loving and sweet.

April 7th - Bad news.  The kitten tested positive for Feline Leukemia.  I'm overwhelmed.  I've had four cats in my life and never have had any experience with this.  It's pretty scary and not at all promising. The vet said the prognosis isn't great, but that there's a chance he could just be exposed and "grow out of it" later.  But then the pamphlets said that babies and elderly shouldn't be around Fel-V cats because of other stuff they can pick up due to their suppressed immune systems.  I don't know what to do.

April 16th - Today at Kroger, I bought a cart full of groceries, got out to the car, exhausted after working all day. Bodhi was kicking and crying, also tired from the long shopping excursion. I realized there was a bag of red potatoes next to her in the child seat.  I hadn't seen it and neither had the cashier when I checked out.  I was so tired and at first thought, screw it.  But then, I knew this was a perfect opportunity to make a choice to practice Asteya.

With Bodhi pouting and whining, I pushed her and the cart back into the store and went up to the cashier with the potatoes and receipt in hand. She looked annoyed at me at first. I told her what happened and she didn't have any reaction, but just charged my card again and I wondered to myself if this was even worth it.   Then she said, "Thank you for being so honest."  And I stumbled, "Oh, no problem."  But if I'm being completely honest, I'm not sure if I would have gone back in if I wasn't doing this Yama practice.  And that is something for me to reflect on.  This kind of small "free-bee" thing has happened probably a dozen times in my life and I'd say about half of those times, I have made the effort to take back the item.  When I haven't, I usually make the "big corporation won't miss a couple of dollars" argument.   But the thing is, that's not the point.  It's karma.  It's not stealing.  And I have to admit, I felt better after paying for the potatoes. 

April 28th - I used to have a really bad habit of being late all the time.  And who am I kidding, I still struggle with this, especially with kids, though I make a much more mindful attempt not to be late  now.   One thing I am always on time for is work and my classes.   Always.   I leave extra early just to make sure because I struggle with this. There is a student this semester that I've been putting aside special time for because she is struggling in class.  We've met three times outside of class and each time she has been 15-20 minutes late for our appointment, always with what seems like a legitimate excuse.  Today, I was due to meet her at 3:00 and I myself was running just a few minutes behind with dropping Bodhi off.  Considering her consistent late arrival, I figured I would still likely make it there before she would. I arrived exactly at 3:03 p.m. and she was in the main office, asking my chair (boss!) where I was.   Seriously.  Ugh.   Back in my 20s, I never looked at being late as stealing people's time, but now I do.  It is something I try to avoid if possible.  But sometimes, it is unavoidable.

April 30th - I've been taking care of the kitten for this whole month, giving him antibiotics, food, tons of love and trying like crazy to find him a home to no avail.  He is the sweetest little soul and rubs up against me ferociously as if he is saying, "Oh, thank you, thank you." His respiratory infection hasn't improved much.  So, I took him into a different vet for a "second opinion" and follow up test.

As we were waiting for the results, the vet and the tech informed me of the suffering and pain involved with Fel-V and that the reason his respiratory infection wasn't getting better was probably because he was already very sick with his weakened immune system.  Normal kittens would recover with such a strong round of antibiotics. While he had gotten better at first it seemed, his wheezing now returned and it was pretty difficult for him to breathe.  We talked for a few minutes and I said, "What do I do if this test is positive?"  He looked at me compassionately, but confidently said, "I would strongly encourage putting him down, for his sake and yours."   During those next couple of minutes waiting, I prayed, Please be negative, please be negative.  I petted him and I said to him, "Come on, be negative, kitty, you can do it."

The vet walked back in and I knew the result from the look on his face. "It's positive.  A strong positive."  He explained that this second test confirms that the kitten definitely absolutely has it and that it's not just an "exposure" thing that may go away.  I burst into tears, blubbering all over the place.  The vet tech looked at me compassionately, "Take the money you would put into him for the next few weeks and adopt a healthy cat and then donate to the shelter to help 15 cats, you must realize that anything you do for him, he's not going to last very long."   They gave me a few moments and were very kind and yet, clear and validating, which I appreciated.

I cried as I petted him. I couldn't believe how emotionally attached I had become to him.  He was so special, so sweet, so loving, so little.  And so sick.  I cried and said over and over, "I am sorry, I am so so sorry."  I felt like I had failed him.  He had came to us for help, so little and pathetic, and now this was happening.  I cried as much for him as I did when my cats of 16 and 17 years died.  Mourned just as deep and just as rough.  Even more so in some ways with him being so young.  It was so unfair.  It wasn't his fault.  His life was just stolen from him from a terrible disease most likely given to him through birth.   The silver lining of his death according to the vet tech is that by us taking him "off the market" as a boy cat out in the woods, we probably saved many cats from getting infected.  That makes me feel a little better.  But I still feel really awful.  I miss his little face and wheezy purr.

Between this and a friend of mine's recent devastating loss (which I won't write about here for sake of her privacy), Asteya has been a difficult month.  I hope May (Brahmacharaya - moderation) is a little more light, a month full of life and fun and sun.  Moderation in everything.  After the extremes of this month and feeling overwhelmed ALL the time, I am game for moderation. The Buddha's path.  Let's do it.

Yamas: Satya - The Practice of Truth

Satya is the second Yama in the Yoga Sutras.  It translates as "Truth" or "Truth telling."     I found that this one wasn't so hard.   I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and I do not have a poker face.  I tell the truth, I voice my emotions, my opinions, often to a fault.  But of course, it's not that simple.  Satya is not just spewing out whatever you think, because that could cause harm.  It is treating truth as a powerful tool that must be wielded with responsibility, with mindfulness.   Ah.  So, that's the catch!

It is also beyond words, but the action behind these words.  Your truth in your walk.  You must demonstrate your truth.   So, how did this go?  It started off with a bang.

March 1st - After a crazy, workaholic week (and a wicked case of PMS), I had a sort of breakdown and had it on my spouse.  "I need time to MYSELF" I cried and demanded.  I hadn't had a moment of silence for what felt like two weeks.  As usual when this happens every few months, he listens with big eyes, nods his head knowingly, "So, take it."  Which, of course, is infuriating, because he makes it sound so easy.

But I did take it.  I took an afternoon and went hiking by myself, did some non-journal writing, which is so rare any more.  I took a nap.   Unbelievable.  At the end of the day, I felt recharged, connected and cleared.  I felt like myself again.   I told the truth  instead of keeping it bottled in.  "I need this time."  Why are we always so fearful, so guilty to tell this truth?  Even though I know I need this time once in awhile like I need sleep or air to breathe, I still feel guilty asking for it.  Why is this?

March 6th -  I was supposed to meet a friend today for lunch and I've been looking forward to this rare outing for awhile.  She is a new friend (how fun is that!) that I instantly connected with (so rare now!) and we've both been excited to get together and have a girls' lunch.  Busy schedules have prevented this up until now and here it is! But now, I am not feeling well at all.   Usually, I would soldier through and go anyway, afraid to disappoint, afraid to cancel.  But my body was telling me that I needed to take this time to rest, not drive an hour for lunch, even if I did really want to see this friend.  I felt relief when she understood completely, further validating what a good friend she will be.  She's my kind, I thought.  It felt good to tell my body's truth and not feel guilty about it.

March 8th - We saw the musical Carrie tonight.  Yes, that's correct.  It really made me think of high school.  Ugh. It's been awhile since I've really thought about those years.  It made me think particularly about the day a few weeks after graduation when I sat outside and burned four years of diaries in a barrel.  One by one, I tore each page and dropped them into the fire.  I burned my "truth," my satya to prove that I was an adult.  I thought my high school years were awkward and ugly and so I thought my words about those years were awkward and ugly too.   Why do we call it the "ugly truth?"    I can't get that image out of my head - of the pages dropping into that burning barrel.  How heartbreaking.

March 15th -  The Chidananda Retreat!  I am so happy to be here!  Any time spent with Laurel immediately connects me with my experience of India, of all the teachers and gurus, the lineage and this huge center of my spiritual being.  We are learning today about Lilas Folan's guru, Chidananda, who was the "St. Francis" of India.  During the first reenactment skit,  I hear a voice inside, "You'll go to India again, when you're older, when Bodhi's grown.  You'll return, this time to Southern India.  It will be much different."   I felt this vision so strongly and so powerfully, tears came to my eyes.  I never thought I could go back, but maybe I will after all.

After hours of chanting, prayer, meditation, yoga, deep relaxation, I feel like a completely centered and recharged person.  Afterwards we eat some home cooked Indian food and I just want to eat and be in silence, absorbing everything that has happened.  A sweet and very pretty girl next to me begins talking, asking me questions, where I am from, what do I do, do I have kids, etc.  I answer her questions briefly but don't engage her or ask any questions back.  I am too zoned out, too inward.  She gets the hint and starts a similar conversation with the woman to her left.

I don't want to be rude, she is a very sweet girl and any other time, I would have loved to talk with her, but right now, I just wish I had one of those "In Silence" name tags you can get at Ashrams.  In my overly verbal life, a job that is 100% dependent on my verbal expression and a generally verbally chaotic world, I just wanted to shut the f@&k up for once.   It felt amazing.  That was my Truth.

Next month is Asteya, Nonstealing.  Not just about theft of things, but theft of time, energy, emotions, etc.  This is about to get real. :)

Yamas: Ahimsa

This was my first Yama to take on for my 10 month journey.  Nonviolence can take on many forms, but includes minimal (or ideally no) violent actions, words, or even thoughts. There is a spectrum to this practice, but ultimately it is about awareness of our actions and taking responsibility for how we affect those around us and our footprint in this world. 

Feb 2^nd – It’s amazing how quickly you become aware of every little thing, every word, every action, every thought.  Today in a long line, I practiced patience and “nonviolent” thoughts towards the cashier who was ignoring me and my armful of stuff while she blabbed away to another cashier about her mother.  I breathed and thought, This is an opportunity to practice.  I told myself, You have all the time in the world.  Even though I didn’t and was running late, it still actually helped a lot.  I felt lighter, better, unburdened.

Today, the great actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman died.  Overdosed on heroin, syringe still in his arm.  He was without a doubt one of my favorite actors, ever since I saw him in Magnolia, Next Stop Wonderland and even Twister (he was good in everything).  I learned he had 3 kids and a partner of 15 years.  Addiction is as violent as it gets - a violence of self, of soul and of everyone that loves you.  Non-harming towards ourselves is the core.  His death really saddens me.

Feb 10^th – Nonviolence to self.  This seems to be the continuing discipline for me.  Today I practiced my harmonium after an invigorating asana session.  But I felt discouraged at my voice.  I don’t and never have had a strong singing voice.  Even so, I love to sing ANYWAY and have tried to embrace my passion over quality and natural ability.  But over the years, I’ve had several people in my life, including family members, tell me to lock it up and be quiet when I’ve started singing.  This doesn’t help the cause much.  I carry much insecurity, shame and frustration with my singing/chanting voice.   Today as I chanted, I felt like I sounded horrible.  I am missing the point of course.  I am supposed to be chanting in devotion  of the divine, for the liberation of spirit, not to “sound good.”  It is a classic example of self-violence, ego and self-judgement.  All the things that get in the way of our liberation.  I vow next time to chant loudly, fiercely, focusing my energies on God instead of my voice.

Feb 15^th – “Buddhist practice is based on nonviolence.  You don’t have to struggle with your breath or body or hate or anger.  Treat your breath tenderly, nonviolently as you would treat a flower.  Then later, you can do this with your own body, treating it with gentleness and respect, nonviolence and tenderness.  Don’t fight against pain or anger, embrace them with great tenderness like a little baby.  Your anger is yourself and you should not be violent towards it.  Begin with the breath.  Let it be what it is.  In Buddhist meditation, you do not turn yourself into a battlefield with good fighting evil.  Both sides belong to you.  Evil can be transformed into good and vice versa. ”  - Thich Nhat Hanh 

Feb 20th - I’m coincidentally teaching about Gandhi this week in one of my classes.  His entire philosophy is based upon ahimsa and he employed and experimented it with many different ways, including non-cooperative acts like boycotts, marches, fasting, self-sufficiency, etc.   His spinning wheel became symbolic of the Indians’ complete independence from the British, able to make their own clothing, march to the sea to gather their own salt, etc.

Perhaps in dealing with those that infuriate you and awaken such feelings of anger and frustration, the best move is to become as independent of them as possible.  Do not depend on them for anything. In my case, it’s the emotional factor.  Don’t look to them for validation, for emotional expression, for nurturing, for anything really.  As one student once said, “You don’t go to a hardware store to buy a loaf of bread.”   Genius.

Perhaps when something doesn’t go how I’d hoped, I didn’t accomplish all I’d wanted to, or someone doesn't react the way I'd wanted them to, instead of mentally “beating myself up” I need to find a way to practice ahimsa towards myself.  I am finding the biggest result of my ahimsa experience is awareness.  I read and teach about ahimsa all the time, but to attempt to live it, I feel like I’m starting to understand it like a familiar family member (one that doesn’t make me angry).  

It still doesn’t mean I’m doing it perfectly or am nonviolent in my thoughts and words all the time, but I’m doing better.  I'm giving myself permission to be nonviolent towards myself.  I want to treat myself like I treat Bodhi, with unconditional love, infinite compassion and complete tenderness.  Why is it so hard to turn this on ourselves?

I'd love to hear your comments on your own experiences with ahimsa.  How hard is it for you to practice?  What are ways you've found to make it more effective?

The quest goes on…Next month is Satya, which is truthfulness.  Oh boy.

Yamas and Niyamas in Action!

I've had this idea for awhile and have decided to finally challenge myself with this practice.  I can already tell I'm going to utterly fail, but like all Eastern traditions, there seems to be quite a bit of enthusiasm for the attempt part and not so much judgement about the perfection in success part.  I like this about Eastern religions.

The Yamas and Niyamas, for Yogis, are the backbone and foundation to the eight-limb practice.  They are both moral restraints (how you deal with the outside world) and moral observances (internal strengthening).   I'm generalizing here, but they basically are Yoga ethics.   So, even if you have a wonderful, open chested Warrior II or a downward dog that would make Rodney Yee shed a tear, if you are an angry, hypocritical, violent, negative person, it really doesn't matter all that much.  Even less severe or extreme, we all have our issues and the Yamas and Niyamas are kind of an ancient Yogi therapist that helps us shine the light on our shadows so we can see where we need to improve.

So, it's a little scary.   Because it's a practice.  And because it's revealing.  And because it's vulnerable.  And because it...takes...effort.   Real effort. It's not what we're used to.  We are used to habit and ingrained patterns and notions and justifications for acting the way we do.  I am no exception.  I devote hours and hours of my week to asana and meditation and reading about Yoga.  But do I still get angry and impatient at incompetence at the store?  Yes.  Do I get angry in traffic?  Yes.  Do I get upset at things I can't control?  Take a wild guess...

So, I'm going to try this and be committed.  My plan is to take one ethical principle each month.  That's a ten month commitment. Whew. I've been studying the Yoga Sutras and the Yamas and Niyamas for years and thought I was practicing them, at least pretty much...you know, in general.

But, I have a feeling it's going to be a whole different experience immersing myself one at a time and really experiencing them.  Like the Buddhist wheel, the Yamas/Niyamas are meant to be practiced all together, not checked off like a list.  But often, beginners are asked to focus on one at a time as part of initiation or monastic training, to really study, breathe in and immerse in the essence of each.

The Yamas (Restraints) are Ahimsa (nonviolence), Satya (truthfulness), Asteya (nonstealing), Brahmacharya (moderation) and Aparigraha (nonhoarding/detachment).   The Niyamas (Observances) are Sauca (purity), Santosa (contentment), Tapas (zeal/dedication), Svadhyaya (self-study), and Isvara-pranidhana (devotion to God).

I will start with Ahimsa.  Nonviolence. I figure I don't hit people or key cars or put my fist through walls, so I feel like I'm already ahead of the game on this one!  Though, of course, it's not that simple. Ahimsa goes beyond physical violence, encompassing actions, thoughts and practicing nonviolence towards yourself as well.   It's really about compassion.

I'm excited (and nervous) to get started.  Wish me luck! See you next month!

Yoga Year in Review

It is the beginning of the New Year and the wonder of what the year will bring.  It is also a time of reflection and it made me look back on all the wonderful Yoga retreats and experiences I was able to go to this year.  It actually blows my mind because with a small toddler and not a lot of extra money just blowing around, I was still able to experience some amazing teachers and retreats and learn a lot on a budget.   I am REALLY lucky to live near such thriving centers of Yoga culture and offerings - Columbus and Yellow Springs offer so much to our Yoga community.

Kirtan Intensive, Yoga on High, Columbus: Offered by someone really passionate about Kirtan; a small group, so time for questions and personal touch, learned more in depth about the deities and stories.  I do wish we could have spent more time learning harmonium (we all brought them per instruction) but since we spent so much time on deities, didn't get to play them much...bummer!

Sienna Sherman Weekend Retreat, Yoga Springs Studio, Yellow Springs:  It was so nice to devote an entire weekend to Yoga.  It was the only time I was able to do this during the year and it was an absolute luxury.  I love carving out this space and spending it immersed in Yoga and Meditation without anything else to think about.   It was very intense physically, so I felt strong and detoxed afterwards.  Though it was sometimes SO intense and heavy on the very advanced poses, that it was easy to become frustrated and worn out.   But, she sang the most beautiful Hari Om melody that sounded like a lullaby.  I actually went up afterwards and had her repeat it so I wouldn't forget.  I sing it to Bodhi now sometimes when she goes to sleep.  

David Swenson Yoga Sutras, Yoga on High, Columbus:  By far my absolute FAVORITE Yoga on High event I've ever gone to.  This was my first time studying with David and he is an amazing, natural, funny teacher who knows how to tell a good story!  He taught us about the Yoga Sutras and explained it in a way that had me on fire about sometime I've been studying for years.  He just took it to a deeper level and gave such great examples.  He inspired me so much that it made me start including a section on Yoga Sutras in my Philosophy class based on this lecture!   I would love to study with him again.

Angela Farmer - Day for Women, John Bryan Center, Yellow Springs:   She is a graceful, commanding, intimidating, beautiful elder goddess who I had to pinch myself every few minutes to  assure myself, Yes, you really are studying from one of the greats, one of the American pioneers, one of the first women to bring and teach Yoga to the West.  Yes, she's right here in front of you.   And she is funny in a dry way, worldly, and very fierce.  Not warm necessarily, but just right and keenly perceptive about just about everything.   It was an intense day, very centered on the emotional essence of women.  She had us unfold in free movement, write in journals, and do creative visualization.  Little asana was done, but much transpired.

Laurel Heffner - Sivananda Retreat, Center for Spiritual Living, Kettering:  Laurel, whether she knows it or not, has truly become a Guru to me.  The most down to earth, knowledgeable and funny woman.  I adore her.  And I adore what she gives in Yoga.  Her take, experience and lens of Yoga just vibes with mine completely and she is a light and grace in the world of workout and commercialized Yoga and Pilates turned Yoga instructors because she brings it back to its heart, to its spirituality, to its essence, to India, and to its gurus without hesitation or apology.   This all day retreat was devoted to celebrating Sivananda, the teacher of my teacher, Satchidananda.  I wrote about this experience already, but had to mention it as part of my Year in Review, since of all of them, it was the most powerful to me.   She will be offering another in March on Swami Chitananda and I am counting down the days.

This year has been empowering for my Yoga practice.  I realized fully and clearly that I do not need to travel across the country (or out of the country) to attend a good Yoga retreat and/or training and deepen my practice.  Because I am so lucky to live where I do, I can take an afternoon, evening, or when I am very lucky, a whole weekend and deepen, unfold, experience, absorb, breathe it in, and bring it back to my mat and my crazy life. Someday I will take the trips to Kripalu and other far and away ashrams again, but right now I don't want to be away from Bodhi for too long and who can afford all that travel and expense?  Since Yoga comes from within anyway, it only makes sense to not have to travel too far for a little insight.

Speaking of my little Yogi, she now does her own downward dog on the mat with her head on the floor, looks between her legs and laughs at me.  Every day is a gift and a chance to live my sadhana. Some days, working full time, trying to be a present and dedicated mom and partner, and all of the rest of life is difficult, challenging and I am as far from a Yogi as you can imagine.  Other days, I feel like I am somewhat on track and actually getting the hang of it.  And on those days, I can't imagine a life without Yoga.   I am looking forward to what this year brings!